No Entry, No Free Newspapers, and No! Nuts

Writing Prompt: You are Araknev, Lord of the Universe – almighty, all-seeing, all-knowing… and allergic to peanuts.

“I am Araknev, Lord of the Universe. The Almighty. The All-Seeing. The-All Knowing. The Father of Time. The Mother of Nature. The Master of Creation.” with each inflection the creature’s voice climbed in volume, and the creature itself appeared to grow.

Araknev. Its body shielded by a mechanical box that distorted space and time in such a way that you couldn’t tell for certain where the box began, or indeed when it would end. There was a head poking out of a circular hatch marked: no entry, no free newspapers, and no! nuts.

The head itself was sat atop a thin, spindly looking neck that titled with the breeze. Upon the face there were two insectile eyes, a pair of tightly pursed lips, half a dozen trunks that slobbered aimlessly about, and a small flashing light in the forehead (flashing a yellowish-blue, if it at all matters, which it doesn’t).

“I know who you are.” Caprice gave a quaint smile as she rocked gently toward Araknev on her horse.

The pair were, for want of a better description, currently a float in the middle of a great ocean, on Bygorian Five. Bygorian Five’s oceans were known for being particularly Bygorious on account of the fact there wasn’t a single fish, nor a shell, nor a wave to speak of. In fact, the only thing that could be said of Bygorian Five’s oceans was that the breeze was pleasant enough, and it might have been all the more pleasant if it wasn’t for those damn birds!

Thankfully neither Caprice nor Araknov had any chips and so they needn’t worry about the birds.

“If you know who I am, then what on Bygorian Five do you want?” Araknev sneezed, not once, but eighteen times, showering Caprice and her wooden horse with a thin film of reddish slime, “Excuse me.” Araknev coughed, “Now, girl, out with it! I’m a rather busy being, as you must be aware.”

“Too busy,” Caprice smiled as she started fumbling through her pockets, “to share a bag of salted peanuts with me?”

Araknev’s eye shot wide with fear, the small light upon its forehead blinking madly, screaming danger, “What is the meaning of this?” Araknev pointed with its eyes at the sign upon its boxed body.

No entry, no free newspapers, and no! nuts.

“I’m allergic, and by Science above this is borderline treason of the highest degree. You could be killed, or worse!”

Caprice thought to ask what could be worse than dying, then decided she didn’t much care. She carelessly threw a peanut into her mouth, sliding it about her gums. “Are you sure,” she said, with her mouth half full, “that I can’t tempt you?”

Araknev’s forehead was in a constant reeling cycle of flashing now, the screaming coming on guttural, the sort of scream you’d expect from a fish that was choking on another fish that had the night before eaten a rather spicy curry.

“Look,” Caprice said, rocking ever gently forward, causing Araknev to back away against the endless ocean, “I need your help.” She threw another wayward nut at her face, it missed and landed in the water, menacingly bobbing beside her. Ignoring it she tried again, failed again, tried a third time, failed a third time…

“Alright, alright!” Araknev was staring at the growing collection of menacingly bobbing nuts, “Tell me how I can help you, and if I can, I will.”

“Not good enough.” Caprice flashed a grin that was now full of flakes of nut, “How about a kiss?”

Araknev shuddered.

“Say that you’ll help me, swear it, and then I’ll tell you what I want.”

Araknev’s eyes individually flitted from the girl, to the nuts, to the bird filled skies, and back to the girl again. With a sigh it said, “Fine. I’ll help you. I swear it. Just get rid of those damn nuts!”

“In good time.” Caprice tucked the nuts safely into her pocket. After all, it’s better to have leverage if there’s any to be had. “Now, what I need you to do,”

“Yes,” Araknev nodded, trunks spitting, “go on.”

“Is to take me to Earth,”

“Yes, is that it?”

“So that I can meet with their leaders,”

“All of them?” Araknev took one look at the girl reaching back into her pocket and said, “And?”

“And borrow a few for a tea party.”

“What? No! That’s absurd!”

Caprice was fumbling through her pocket.

“You can’t just borrow a world’s leaders for a tea party!”

She took out a nut.

“Surely you can’t be serious?”

Caprice aimed for Araknev’s head.

“Okay! Okay. I’ll take you. But I’m not at all happy about it. How’s it going to look,? Have you thought about that? The first interaction between Earthlings and the Universe and we just happen to borrow a few of their superiors for a tea party… that’s abduction!”

“That’s what I want.” Caprice tossed the nut into her mouth and started chewing loudly, “Now hurry up and take me to Earth.”

Copyright © K R Perry 2019

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